Three myths about loneliness we should debunk once and for all

Loneliness is a common feeling, so much so that some believe there is an epidemic of loneliness going on. At the same time, loneliness seems as misunderstood as it is common. Luzia Heu, an Assistant Professor in Social and Behavioural Sciences specialising in loneliness, has launched a podcast on the topic. 

“People talk a lot about loneliness, but mainly based on stereotypes. My podcast, Connected by Loneliness, aims to share insights about loneliness in an accessible manner, explaining how it actually works,” she says. “I hope that people will relate to the things I say and realise that they are not alone in their experiences.” 

DUB spoke with Heu about three pervasive misconceptions about loneliness. You can learn more about some of these myths in her podcast.

1. There is a loneliness epidemic going on
From the early-2000s bestseller Bowling Alone to the world’s first Minister for Loneliness, appointed in the UK in 2018, it isn’t uncommon for loneliness to be described as an epidemic. However, Heu thinks one should be careful when using the word “epidemic” to talk about loneliness. “Although it is true that it is a problem, that goes too far for now,” she says. When describing this “epidemic”, many people say that there has been a massive increase in loneliness in recent years, but the UU researcher says we cannot really tell. “We actually don’t have longitudinal data from before, say, the 2000s.” 

Besides, Heu observes that numbers about loneliness are “always imprecise”. Sometimes, to a layperson, they may even seem to contradict each other. For example, Heu mentions in her podcast that an official Dutch government website says that loneliness is a major problem in the Netherlands, as almost half of the population reported feeling lonely in 2024. At the same time, data from 2022 from the European Commission’s Joint Research Centre places the Netherlands among the least lonely places in Europe, with only 9 to 10 percent of the population feeling lonely most or all of the time. “One study is about feeling lonely, while the other is about feeling lonely most or all the time. As a lay person, it is easy to mix up these different messages.”

Heu explains that loneliness is tricky to measure. Researchers need to rely on what people say, and some people will exaggerate their feelings while others will downplay them. The answers can be influenced by respondents’ current mood, selective memory, and other factors. 

Comparing studies can also be hard because some assess loneliness by asking people how lonely they feel, others how often they feel lonely, and yet others ask how long they have felt lonely. Different questions can lead to different results. 

The UU researcher Luzia Heu, who has launched the podcast Connected by Loneliness.

2. Lonely people are always alone or have no friends
In one of her podcast episodes, Heu says that when governments and other institutions adopt measures to combat loneliness, they usually aim to increase social interactions, as if loneliness were caused by spending too much time alone or by lacking sufficient social connections. 

However, people who feel lonely do not necessarily spend most of their time alone or have relatively few social connections. “These are risk factors for loneliness, but they are not necessarily linked,” says the researcher in a call with DUB. After all, loneliness is a feeling that people can have even when surrounded by others.

“Many people feel lonely because they can’t relate to the people around them or don’t feel understood by them,” explains Heu. Having distant parents or being bullied as a child can also make a person more prone to feeling lonely as an adult. So, yes, one can feel lonely even with many friends.

“Initiatives to bring people together are positive, but they don’t solve everything. One-size-fits-all interventions that don’t address the causes of loneliness, merely encouraging people to meet random others, may not only be ineffective for some but even backfire, making them feel even lonelier,” explains Heu. “We need a variety of interventions. Since loneliness has numerous causes, there are also several different ways of reducing it or resolving it.”

3. Elderly people are more prone to loneliness
People assume that the elderly are the loneliest demographic. University students, with their roommates and schedules full of parties, are seen as the opposite. 

However, Heu says that teenagers and young adults are just as prone to loneliness as elderly people. “That’s because they are more sensitive to rejection than other age groups and focus more on belonging and conformity. The exclusion processes that often occur at this age, combined with heightened sensitivity to exclusion and a sense of not fitting in, are very relevant factors. If you’re a bit different from other people, you’re likely to feel lonely.”

In addition, young people often move to new places, have more romantic break-ups or are still looking for a partner at that age. “It is not uncommon to not have established friendships as deep as the ones other age groups have, or not to have found social circles in which they feel more accepted and understood. That can just take a while,” she explains. Last but not least, people in their 20s must make many life-altering decisions, a process that can make them feel pretty lonely, too.

So, what to do if you’re young and feeling lonely? Heu observes that the solution often has more to do with internal work than increasing social interactions: learning to trust yourself, becoming more confident, or learning to be less afraid of being alone, for example. Again, all things that can take a while.