It’s like talking to a teaspoon!

We have all tried to get a point across to a fellow human and been just as successful as if we were trying to do it with an inanimate object like innocent cutlery. Perhaps you might have encountered difficulties when arguing with classmates, colleagues, friends or partners. Why is it so hard to get your point across and find common ground? How can that lead to atrocities on a global scale? Using the basic axioms and principles of social psychology as paint and brushes, let me paint you a picture of the human mind.

First of all, we are all idiots. We are all, to a degree, ignorant about the world around us. After all, the entire experience of reality is something we’ve constructed for ourselves and we filter what we see, hear and understand accordingly. What is real? Each of us lives in different realities constructed by our childhood, education, beliefs, and habits. When looking at a teaspoon, some of us see mere cutlery, while others see a lousy piece of craftsmanship and others see a weapon. Being a terrorist, a freedom fighter or a peacekeeper is only a matter of perspective, which is defined by who we sympathize with based on our identity and previous experiences. No one is right,  yet everyone is. As we can hear from  two characters in the series Fallout standing over a crater made by an atomic bomb:

-What happened?

-It’s just the same thing that always happens. They want to save the world, it’s just… they disagree on how.

Not that these separate realities are isolated. As Mufasa said in The Lion King, “We are all connected in the Great Circle of Life”. No, seriously, as we interact with each other and with society, we inherently affect and change the thinking of others and by extension society itself, just as much as society changes us.

But change is never easy, and often feels as possible as getting people to Mars without turning into depressurized popsicles. 

When we process information, we are conservative and resist any possible change in our beliefs. We base it on thoughts that are readily available, which are often our habits, thoughts we have often and/or thoughts we just had. For example, if we watch crime fiction, we are more likely to judge the world to be more dangerous. By using words like “atrocities”, “weapon”, “terrorist”, “fighter”, and “crime”, I have already made violence and danger more salient in your subconscious. You’re welcome!

And finally, we either think quickly and superfluously or deeply and slowly depending on whether or not we have time to think or the motivation to think.. When we are in an argument, it is highly difficult to change our minds about something we have an established idea on as we base our interpretation on things we can think of quickly (if we are mathematicians, we’ll always first think analytically and try to find the math behind problems) and often we use heuristics – mental shortcuts which could take up a whole other blog in of themselves – to think, which is quick, but alas, is based upon stereotypes, biases and habits.

Finally, we have three main motivators in life and social interactions. First, we want mastery over our environment, as it reduces uncertainty and gathers info that can give us a better idea of what’s happening. Secondly, we value relations with others and a feeling of unity and belonging to individuals or groups. Thirdly, we are urged to praise me and mine: if it is something related to us or an object or group that is in connection with us, it must be good. We like being part of a group because it gives us lenses of principles to see the world with (mastery); we make friends and connections (relations); we inherently praise our group and see members in a biased manner because it is part of our identity (praising oneself and what is “mine”).

These mental attributions are crucial for us to survive and adapt to a social environment quickly but unfortunately blind us to the truth of others. So, how to keep our eyes open? By practising perspective taking, read news from political parties you despise, and ask more questions from everyone you meet. In short, be interested, not interesting. And finally, ask yourself: am I seeing all the angles? Do I understand where the other’s sentiment is coming from? Am I the teaspoon?