Death of a dream

I was once asked if I ever had to face the death of a dream. To be honest, I struggled with the question because I hardly remember what I dream and I didn’t have any long-term goals. At least not like what others seemed to have. Instead, I am impulsive and just follow my intuition when I have to decide what to do. I just know when something is not for me.

But then I realized I do have ideas of things that I want to do. They were not “serious” like most of what my friends mentioned. Rather, it was a bucket list of sorts. Like my tattoo. I knew I would like to have one but I only thought about it seriously once I had the means to get it and I am sure I would not have been upset if it did not happen.

But then I realized that I had been thinking about it all wrong! Dreams aren’t necessarily some long-term plan that gives your life direction. They can be the small things you strive for. That small goal you set for yourself to sleep better. Or maybe that one evening sharing a meal with the people you love. Maybe it is being able to be there for all the people who need you. In that way, I supposed that there were many dreams I had and inevitably lost.

In that sense, I dreamed of running for a very long time before I started it again. I remembered the sense of satisfaction I used to get during the compulsory runs at school. The crunch of my feet on the road, the rhythmic breathing that forces you to be in the moment. And when I finally got the courage to run again, I dreamed a bit more. I wanted to go further and I wanted to do it better. My dreams became more concrete. I set my eyes on that one marathon in a familiar mountain. I wanted to go places and run. I had not yet dared to dream about travelling for the sake of it. So, I thought running could be my ticket to go places. And the more of myself  I put into something, the more I dreamed from it. When I had to give up running, it was not the death of a dream, rather it was the end of many dreams. That is perhaps why I fought so hard not to let go of it.

But the death of a dream is not the death of the person you are. It is a sign of the person you are growing into. And that person will have even more dreams. So I think it is perfectly alright to let go of some dreams. To try and then realize that they might not work for you. To let some of them wait for a while, maybe. And realizing that will perhaps let me reach out for the other things that come my way in life. In fact, that might even be a healthier way for us all to live. I think it is not the death of a dream that should worry us. Rather we should be worried about losing the will to dream. And about not having the confidence to build small castles because some of the bigger ones left us with rubbles.

Here is to hoping that the wars around the world end and all of us retain the will to dream regardless of and in spite of them.