Suffocating relationships can lead to femicide, Dutch government warns

Figures abound to illustrate the problem. For example, a survey by Amnesty International revealed that one in ten female students in the Netherlands is raped during her studies. According to Statistics Netherlands (CBS), fifty percent of female students at universities and universities of applied sciences have experienced some form of sexual violence in the past twelve months.

No figures needed
However, women usually don't need such figures to know that this is a problem. "I spoke to someone this month who told me she had been raped," says Sarah Evink of the student organisation ISO. "Students are very concerned about this. Some associations make sure that women no longer cycle home alone. I have also heard of a safe space during an introduction week that was used by someone who had experienced something traumatic. It is terrible that this happens, and it is good that more attention is being paid to it."

"Every woman can give you an example," says Maaike Krom, from the National Student Union (LSVb). "One evening, when I was cycling somewhere, I was suddenly hit on the backside by men in a passing car. But there are so many stories about men stalking women and it's not always easy to find the help you need."

Fraternities in the Netherlands have been under scrutiny recently, but Krom underscores that the problem happens everywhere. "Fortunately, people are paying more attention to it now. It has become more common for large events to have someone you can turn to if something happens. That is an important step, which should also be available at educational institutions." 

Femicide
In the worst cases, the violence leads to death. A woman is murdered in the Netherlands every eight days, usually by their partners or ex-partners. More awareness of this problem has been raised in recent years, and the Dutch government is also launching a campaign against it.

The campaign is called “Where are you?” and features a disturbing video illustrating how a young woman can end up in a suffocating relationship. An estimated 200,000 people are trapped in relationships involving “coercive control”. Women are twice as likely to be in such a relationship as men.

The campaign primarily appeals to women's friends and family. "Do you recognise signs of control or violence? Contact Veilig Thuis (Safe Home) for advice or help," the video says. 

But the message is also aimed at young people, many of whom are entering serious relationships for the first time, says Suzanne Koning of the Ministry of Security and Justice, which is responsible for the campaign. "If you know what you're getting into, you can still take action. Such relationships can damage you for the rest of your life."

She outlines a pattern that should set off alarm bells: at first, someone overwhelms you with love, then you move in together quickly, and slowly become isolated. The man is easily jealous and doesn't want the woman to see her friends. "Outsiders are quick to think, 'I'm not getting involved', when they should actually talk about it. If you don't know what to do, you can call Veilig Thuis."

Like the LSVb chair, Koning also says that violence against women happens in all circles. "It occurs among highly educated and less educated people, and in all cultures. Another problem is when women have children in such relationships. Children suffer too, and so the damage continues."