Solitude 101: how to survive

As an international student, of course you are going to try to make as many friends as possible during your time abroad. Of course, you try to get to know each other, incredibly afraid that by sitting by yourself for more than five minutes you will end up overthinking. Let me tell you all a secret that I found out after four years of living abroad, first by myself, then with my boyfriend. Being alone is beautiful. It is refreshing and allows you to find out a lot more about yourself, including things you do not necessarily realise when you are surrounded by people all the time. 

We are so scared of overthinking and of thoughts inevitably leading us to sad moods and tears, but the truth is we need those tears, we need those moments, and we need those thoughts to learn how to deal with them. Being alone allows us to have a complete reboot, and try again and again without anyone noticing we failed in the first place. There’s nothing more beautiful than sitting on your own at a café, headphones in your ears, a steaming cup of cappuccino on the table, and a book in your hands. There’s nothing more awesome than walking in the park, observing the orange leaves, sitting by the lake and looming at the fish swimming mindlessly. 

Some legends tell us we are never really completely alone: we believe we are, but in reality, we are surrounded by the energies of the people who never really left us. When you start using a word that your best friend says a lot, are you really alone or is a part of them still lingering around you, silent but strong? I believe in the burnt toast theory: each small, everyday inconvenience we experience happens for a bigger reason. Take something we’ve all experienced: accidentally burning your breakfast before work. That one little accident has a domino effect on your day, making you five minutes late. Maybe that means you miss your regular commute time, inadvertently resulting in you avoiding a car accident. Therefore, my idea is that when you find yourself alone in a spot that makes you think, it is because you were destined to realise something you would have never thought about if you had not been alone with your thoughts. 

My most important discoveries randomly came to me while sitting on my own and waiting for the bus at 9:00 pm at Bijlmer Arena. Scary ambience, but very innovative thinking. Do not be scared of being alone because you never really are: you carry pieces of everyone you've ever loved inside of you.