'We became friends and now we're becoming roommates too'

Moving to a new city, joining a university, getting a new home, and landing a job. These are all opportunities to meet new people, except making friends is not as easy as it was when you were six and all you had to do was ask the person next to you in the sandbox if they wanted to play. Zoë* and Marieke were looking for new friends because their friend circles were thinning out. "People in my group of friends were moving in together, moving away or going to university in another city," recollects Marieke, who now works at a court. Zoë wanted to expand her group of friends with people who were interested in the same creative hobbies. "Making friends through apps is still taboo. People consider you a loser."

They did not make new friends through their studies or work, so they turned to online options. Several apps promise to help you make new friends, such as Meetup, Unblnd and Bumble. Zoë and Marieke found each other through Bumble For Friends, the friendship version of the dating app. The functionality is available to both Dutch and international students. First, you create a profile with a few pictures of yourself, then you can write a bio if you wish, and there you go: you can start swiping. If you match with anyone, you have 72 hours to start talking.

Someone who is also creative
"I have friends, but I was looking for a different kind of friendship," says Zoë, who did a Bachelor's in Cultural Anthropology at UU and now follows an online interior design course. She discovered Bumble For Friends through her brother's girlfriend, who comes from abroad and was looking to meet new people in the Netherlands. Zoë did not have any nice colleagues at her part-time job and many of her friends from university were moving away. "When I created my profile, I was afraid that others would judge me. But everyone in my immediate circle was interested and my roommate at the time even downloaded the app herself."

Swiping on a friendship app feels different than when you are looking for a relationship, says Zoë. "They don't have to be handsome to be a good friend. I judged people on their overall vibe, stage of life, and hobbies. For example, I thought it would be fun to meet more people who do creative things, just like me." According to Zoë, starting a conversation with a match is quite easy. "I didn't have an opening line or anything. I would always look at what they wrote in their profile and if they had a certain hobby or had been on a nice trip, I would ask them about it."

Ghosted
Zoë's first "date" was with a girl who was new to Utrecht. They had a cup of coffee while walking through the city. "I was quite nervous beforehand," she admits. "I was afraid it would be awkward or that we'd have nothing to talk about. You don't know them and that is so nerve-wracking. Luckily, it wasn't too bad and it all went very naturally."

Zoë also went on a group date with other buddies she met through the app. "We were six girls and it was very nice". According to Zoë, doing it in a group is a lot less nerve-wracking than a one-on-one meeting. "It is also nice to meet many people at the same time. You have time to consider who you would like to meet again."

Zoë clicked with one of the six girls. "But she moved to another city in the end, so I don't talk to her anymore." She no longer talks to the girl she went on her first date with either. "It was hard getting together and she just stopped replying to my WhatsApp messages altogether after a while. She ended up blocking me, haha. It's a shame, but I didn't mind it too much because we hadn't reached the level of real friendship yet."

Prejudice
Marieke has recently obtained her Law degree. Like Zoë, she was looking for more friends because her own friendships were slowly fading after graduation. "People in my group of friends were moving in together, moving away or continuing their studies in another city. Besides, you also have less time for each other when you start working." Marieke didn't meet anyone she would like to be friends with at work because most of them were not her age. She practices sports, but most of her other hobbies are individual activities.

One of Marieke's friends, who used the dating version of Bumble, suggested she try the friendship version. "I thought that was a bit weird because I met my girlfriend through Bumble, so it felt like I was going on another date." Marieke and her friend decided to check it out together. "We looked at things like the hobbies I had in common with people, or the way people wrote, or what stage of life they were in."

Before downloading Bumble For Friends, Marieke had preconceived notions about how one could make friends this way. "I felt like I had no friends, but once I made my profile on the app, I realized so many people are in the same situation I was in. Then I thought: 'It's okay not to have many people around me, I'm not the only one. That realisation alone gave me a lot of peace of mind."

Successful dates
Marieke's first date with a potential friend felt strange. "You are used to meeting friends through your studies, sports clubs or hobbies and then you go and meet someone through an app. It feels very unnatural. I  had to get over that feeling." When going on a romantic date, Marieke always made sure to wear a nice outfit and worried about whether or not she would click with the other person. But these things matter less when you're aiming at friendship. "I felt much less pressure. If we clicked, it would happen regardless of what I was wearing or what we did. That's why I was a lot less nervous about a friendship date."

Marieke didn't like many profiles, but she was inviting the people she matched with for coffee. "On the dating version of Bumble, I used to chat for much longer before going on a date, but on Bumble For Friends, I ask people if they want to meet straight away. This way, I can find out if we click or not."

Marieke's dates were quite successful. "I have met three people so far, mostly for a drink or to the movies. I don't talk to one of the people I've met because she moved to another country. But Zoë and I get along really well," she says. Zoë adds: "We think the same way about many things, and we both love travelling and doing creative things." They became real friends after a few dates. "Now. we even became roommates," says Marieke. Zoë: "Marieke knew that I was looking for a new place to live, so she told me when someone in her house moved out. Now we see each other every day, which is great."

Zoë is not active on the friendship app right now because she is very busy. "I am still open to new friendships, though. I just prefer to meet new people outside of Bumble. But that can be difficult." She met some nice people in her new job, but she says that is different from meeting others through an app. "The step to friendship takes longer, things have to grow. In addition, someone might already have a lot of friends and not be looking for new ones. On the app, you only meet people who are actively looking for friends, so that is easier." Marieke recently had a second date with a potential new friend but she hasn't been swiping much lately. "I am taking it easy on the app. I value quality over quantity."